Updated: Nov 13, 2021
“Do not despair my girl…” you once told me. “Learn to trust people, learn to love, learn to smile even when it hurts, and always keep your heart on your sleeve…”
Your words echo in my head even after 5 years of separation every single time I replay my life’s videotape. You were a wise woman, you were my inspiration, my tame light of hope when I was hurt yet curious to know if there is a chance of recovery out there. “…Keep your heart on your sleeve…”, you told me. And I did so, but I waved my sleeves in vain, to the vain people, to the vain achievements, to the vain desires. And how could I know to whom I should extend my arms? How could I find the right person who will embrace that heart that I kept right there at the edge of my sleeve? How could anyone even begin to understand this gift I gave them? How could I know what you meant, if I did not know myself that this heart is not, in fact, mine?
That heart that beats non-stop day or night, that heart that skips faster when someone begins to caress it, that heart that aches when it is afflicted by indifference, that heart that is ready to stop when it witnesses its counterpart pass away…that very heart in fact is not