Bitter

Ameni Abida

On my good days, I’m filled with love. 

On my bad days, I’m like coco powder.

Bitter.

I start hating the world around me. Start hating my surroundings, my classes, my projects, sometimes even the people I love the most. I start hating myself, my body, my work, my life, to the point where I wonder if any of this is worth it – if I am worth it – anymore.

That bitterness I have in me is triggered by something or someone, usually myself, that makes me feel like I’m not good enough. No one eats coco powder, they eat chocolate, and I’m not chocolate yet. In fact, I start thinking that I’ll never be chocolate at this point, because there are better coco powders out there. Because other powders are stronger, have a richer flavor, are more energetic. Me, what am I compared to them? I work and I work, I get tired, give up and eat chocolate all day. 

That’s where I get it all wrong. You never hear conversations in the cupboard between Jars. Sugar thinks he’s too sweet, and Peanut Butter thinks she’s too fatty. Coco Powder thinks she’s the only one who has issues, but she never realize